Monday, December 29, 2003
BAYSIDE!!!
"Just Enough To Love You"
Push me out from the darkness
To a sky that's colored blue
Somewhere someone's finding happiness
While I'm still here so hung up on you
Nothing is real
And I want you to know
That I'm not alright
When you tear open my chest
I'll try not to flinch
Won't make promises
You taught me that I'm still losing what's left out
My self esteem
And I'm still watching the slow fading of all my daydreams
The hardest things to say are the words that mean the most
So I'll bite my tongue til it bleeds and I doubt you'll even know
The easiest thing to fake's a feeling to fool someone else
And I've been tricked for so long by you that I spent these last few months in my own hell
A failed apology
A day too late but now I see
That all you really want's to see me dangle neck first from a tree
But what would you need me for
You've got friends galore
And all you'll ever be to me's a stupid lying excuse for a person
There is this awesome up and coming band called Bayside. If you havent heard of them, check them out at Baysiderocks.com. Their new album, Sirens and Condolences comes out on Jan. 27, 2004. Be sure to pick it up! its great!
PS...you're a waste of time.
Posted at 08:35 pm by sarah2804
dashboard....
"Rapid Hope Loss"
You called to say you wanted out.
Well, I can't say I blame you now.
Sometimes you've got to fall
before you're found out.
Well thanks for waiting this long to show yourself.
Cause now that I can see you,
I don't think you're worth a second glance.
So much for all the promises you made, they served you well
and now you're gone and they're wasted on me.
So much for your endearing sense of charm, it served you well
and now you're gone and it's wasted on me.
Do what you must if that's what you wish,
I can't be a pardon to this
you have a sense that you were born with
You'll find a way to make things right.
I guess that all you got is all you're gonna get.
so much for, so much more
I guess that all you got is all you're gonna get.
so much for, so much more
...my dashboard dvd will not play on my computer. i am perturbed. it better play on my dvd player. i cant wait to leave for texas. things look more hopeful there.
Posted at 02:31 pm by sarah2804
Sunday, December 28, 2003
you've got to be kidding me.
So, i had heard stories that mr. huffman is really bad about sending off your transcripts on time. well, when i handed him my stuff and he said it'd be in the mail the next day, i believed him. boy was that ever stupid. he told me 3 weeks ago that my stuff would be in the mail the next day. so why the hell did i get this letter from U of L saying that they havent received my transcripts yet? will someone please explain this to me? i was expecting my acceptance/denial letter next week. now i have to wait until we go back to school to even ask him about this. this is bullshit. they set up there and preach to us for 3 years about how we need to have everything in on time. i busted my butt to get that application in and now look what he's gone and done. now what am i supposed to do? i cant even apply for housing until i get accepted. Louisville Hall fills up faster than any other dorm and if i get my letter too late then i am S.O.L. this has set me behind by about 5 weeks. i held up my part and i got my application in on time. there is no reason why our counselors cannot do their part. this is ridiculous. I am so incredibly pissed off right about now. he was supposed to send them in 3 weeks ago! 3 weeks! i dont even believe this.
So, maybe going to texas will be for the best. im perturbed at a couple of people, so maybe i do just need time away. i think i waste too much time on some people. you give them a second chance, and they blow it again. why am i even bothering? will i even be talking to this person (people) this time next year? probably not. so why am i even wasting my time now? its not like it matters. im just bothered by it. i hate the indirect answers. i hate you. i think i really do hate you. i dont want to hate you, but you make it impossible for me not to hate you. i hate being lied to. sometimes i feel like this is all a big joke to you. i wish i could find out for sure. but, with my luck, i'll never know. its only 10:13 pm..someone shoot me please.
Posted at 05:23 pm by sarah2804
i dont want to fly
Today i have to get started on my packing. its not that i dont want to go to texas, becuase i do. i just really do not want to get on that plane. and i know i have to pack now, because i dont have any other time to do it. but, what if i need something that's already been packd away? how do i get to it and then wash it and then pack it back up? its too much of a hassle. i could just procrastinate and throw everthing together before i leave for the airport. however, im really prone to leaving behind really important things, like underwear. so, thats probably not the best idea in the world. i really have to pack today. i think i have plans tomorrow night. so i cant pack away anything i might need for tomorrow night. and who knows what i need and what i dont need. i dont know. i left my eyeliner at elyce's grandma's house. i think i have backup eyeliner. i hope i do at least. i have no plans today. although i really need to go down to asgard to set up my design and my artist. and then i have to call around about nose piercings. elyce is geting my nose pierced for my birthday! yay! and my parents are getting me the tattoo. score! i think im just going to relax today and do nothing and slowly start to pack. i wonder where i'll be on new years? i'll be alone, i know that much. ggrrr..yeah, i think thats why i dont want to leave. i dont want to spend new years with a bunch of rich people that i dont know. i think im just rambling on. im going to go.
also, this thing is really making me mad. i have no clue what time zone we are in. so now, all of my entries are an hour behind. someone help me. im lost.
Posted at 11:00 am by sarah2804
weehaaa!!!
So...these last couple of days have been very interesting, to say the least. Friday i met Elyce and her sister up at the mall to do some shopping. We shopped, got movies, then went back to her grandma's house to spend the night since she is out of town. well, elyce's friend Jason shows up at like, 9:30 and he's loaded down with a large amount of alcohol. needless to say, i got wasted. i have never been so drunk in all my life. And im sitting there and these 2 guys walk in. i think i asked them about 50 times what their names were. they go to lanesville. pretty cute too. There;s alot of stuff i dont remember. i remember talking to jason shumate on the phone at like..1am. what we talked about i have no clue. i was feeling pretty good when i got up this morning. but then it hit me. ive never had a hangover before and i threw up about 2 times. it was bad. i kept eating bread which eventually made me feel better. then elyce and i went to wal mart. i still couldnt walk and i had no clue where i was at. plus we both looked like crap. then, of all people to see in my post-drunken stupor, i see Joey. he laughed at me. we were all supposed to go skating tonight, but those plans fell through. So while we're contemplating on what to do, scott calls. so, we end up getting ready and going to daniel's house and going out to eat. that was quite an adventure. it was me. elyce, scott davis, scott jones, daniel, and greg. no one could decide on what movie to see, so we all went back to daniel's house to watch movies. then, we played truth or dare. believe me, you havent seen anything until you've seen scott and scott do the "Im a Little Teapot" dance in their underwear. oh boy. neways..i just now got home. I really hope i didnt do anything too stupid last night. i dont remember half of what jason and i talked about on the phone. who knows. im dead tired and im dehydrated. i want a glass of water.
Posted at 01:31 am by sarah2804
Thursday, December 25, 2003
ITS CHRISTMAS TIME AGAIN...
Well, I made out pretty good today. I had a better day than i did yesterday, that's for sure. I got everything i put on my list. well, all except for the new Thrice cd. But that's ok. I still got Brand New, Dashboard, John Mayer, and No Doubt:The Singles. pretty awesome. expecially since my dashboard cd came with a dvd. score for me! I got every book on my book list. Plus, a new stereo system for my car, which included a cd player and 2 10" subwoofers! yes! Dad is taking it to be installed while i'm in texas. Im starting to look forward to Texas a little more each day. especailly since my uncle just told me its been in the high 60s to mid 70s down there. That's alot better than the depressing weather we're having here.
neways, i was doing really good today until i got to my g-ma's house. i enjoy being over there a lot more than the other side of the family. but still, i just felt alone. both of my cousins came with their new husbands. its weird seeing as how one's 22 and the other's 20. here i am, almost 18 years old, and i have no one. i'll probably end up old, alone, and living in the woods with my cat. my luck. Maybe i just let things get to me too much. i dont know. and now i'm going to spend new years alone. thats me major reason i dont want to go to texas. to much alone-ness. and now, for some really wrong reason i want to talk to sean again. i dont know. i do stupid things when i feel depressed. and right nw i want to talk to sean. but, i know that will open up alot more shit than i need right now. i already unblocked him from my buddy list. that is definately not good at all. i dont know, i dont want to screw up. i know i will. this Brand New cd is great. everyone should have it. I would also like to thank jason for the wonderful voice mails that he leaves me at 2 am. they, uh, brighten my day. lol. really, they do. thanks jason. I guess i don't really have that much to say. I need to put this link on my old journal so the whole 4 people who read it will go here instead. well, im done writing.
Posted at 10:59 pm by sarah2804
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
i hate the holidays...
I'm definately not a big fan of the holidays. I used to be. For some reason i'm just not in the spirit. Usually i just want to be left alone. However, i think i have secluded myself too much. Now i just feel lonely. I feel like everyone else is out having a good time and here i sit. The only people who call me are elyce, amber, and scott. Which isnt too bad cause I couldn't ask for better friends, but, i feel secluded. I really do try to be happy, because i know that things could be much worse. The holidays just arent what they used to be. I'll be 18 in less than two weeks, but I feel like i'm getting too old to do certain things. I think that may be part of my problem. It's officially Christmas morning. It just doesn't feel like Christmas to me. I also don't want to leave for Texas. I'm really glad to be going and everything, but i just don't want to leave. I want to spend New Year's at home with my friends. Instead I'll be in Texas with a bunch of rich people. And once again i'll be alone. The holidays always make me depressed. Any other time i'm out having fun with my friends, but its times like these that i want someone special to spend time with. It's really starting to get to me. I shouldn't let it, but I do. I feel like no one wants me and that i'm destined to spend the rest of my life alone. I think it's because i'm a hopeless romantic and i think that too often i find myself looking in all the wrong places and finding the wrong person. I want to have that fairy tale romance. Unfortunately, i dont think those exist anymore. Even if they did it probably wouldnt happen to me. Good things never happen to me. I either get walked on, cheated on, or just left behind. And just when things couldn't get much worse, they do. Please God, let me be happy, just for once.
...........PS: Merry Christmas
Posted at 11:23 pm by sarah2804
