Thursday, December 25, 2003
ITS CHRISTMAS TIME AGAIN...
Well, I made out pretty good today. I had a better day than i did yesterday, that's for sure. I got everything i put on my list. well, all except for the new Thrice cd. But that's ok. I still got Brand New, Dashboard, John Mayer, and No Doubt:The Singles. pretty awesome. expecially since my dashboard cd came with a dvd. score for me! I got every book on my book list. Plus, a new stereo system for my car, which included a cd player and 2 10" subwoofers! yes! Dad is taking it to be installed while i'm in texas. Im starting to look forward to Texas a little more each day. especailly since my uncle just told me its been in the high 60s to mid 70s down there. That's alot better than the depressing weather we're having here.
neways, i was doing really good today until i got to my g-ma's house. i enjoy being over there a lot more than the other side of the family. but still, i just felt alone. both of my cousins came with their new husbands. its weird seeing as how one's 22 and the other's 20. here i am, almost 18 years old, and i have no one. i'll probably end up old, alone, and living in the woods with my cat. my luck. Maybe i just let things get to me too much. i dont know. and now i'm going to spend new years alone. thats me major reason i dont want to go to texas. to much alone-ness. and now, for some really wrong reason i want to talk to sean again. i dont know. i do stupid things when i feel depressed. and right nw i want to talk to sean. but, i know that will open up alot more shit than i need right now. i already unblocked him from my buddy list. that is definately not good at all. i dont know, i dont want to screw up. i know i will. this Brand New cd is great. everyone should have it. I would also like to thank jason for the wonderful voice mails that he leaves me at 2 am. they, uh, brighten my day. lol. really, they do. thanks jason. I guess i don't really have that much to say. I need to put this link on my old journal so the whole 4 people who read it will go here instead. well, im done writing.
Posted at 10:59 pm by sarah2804
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
i hate the holidays...
I'm definately not a big fan of the holidays. I used to be. For some reason i'm just not in the spirit. Usually i just want to be left alone. However, i think i have secluded myself too much. Now i just feel lonely. I feel like everyone else is out having a good time and here i sit. The only people who call me are elyce, amber, and scott. Which isnt too bad cause I couldn't ask for better friends, but, i feel secluded. I really do try to be happy, because i know that things could be much worse. The holidays just arent what they used to be. I'll be 18 in less than two weeks, but I feel like i'm getting too old to do certain things. I think that may be part of my problem. It's officially Christmas morning. It just doesn't feel like Christmas to me. I also don't want to leave for Texas. I'm really glad to be going and everything, but i just don't want to leave. I want to spend New Year's at home with my friends. Instead I'll be in Texas with a bunch of rich people. And once again i'll be alone. The holidays always make me depressed. Any other time i'm out having fun with my friends, but its times like these that i want someone special to spend time with. It's really starting to get to me. I shouldn't let it, but I do. I feel like no one wants me and that i'm destined to spend the rest of my life alone. I think it's because i'm a hopeless romantic and i think that too often i find myself looking in all the wrong places and finding the wrong person. I want to have that fairy tale romance. Unfortunately, i dont think those exist anymore. Even if they did it probably wouldnt happen to me. Good things never happen to me. I either get walked on, cheated on, or just left behind. And just when things couldn't get much worse, they do. Please God, let me be happy, just for once.
...........PS: Merry Christmas
Posted at 11:23 pm by sarah2804
