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Wednesday, January 21, 2004
LEAVE ME THE EF ALONE!!
omg. i cant take it anymore. i wish he'd just leave me alone. im so sick of his whining. and its all the time. so, i think im going to be all smart and just block his name on my AIM SN, and then just turn my away message off on my other SN. no, he gets a new SN and hes still talking to me. how do i get myself into these messes? i mean, if he were to just say a simple "hi, how are you?" that would be fine. i dont care about his relationshiop curse or the girl he met at McDonalds. what kind of a girl would pick up a guy at the McDonalds anyways? He sits here and just whines and complains about how much he misses me and how hes cursed in relationships. wel, what the hell do you want me to do about it? seriously. i have enough things going on right now. the last thing i need is him. i seriously think hes psycho. when i tell him im going out with friends..he wants to know who i m with, where im going, and what time i'll be back. um, no, i dont really think so. thats why i broke up with him in the first place. Hes trying to find reassurance in me and hes definately not going to get it. he rambles on and the extent of my input is either "oh", "yeah". or "i dont know". i mean seriously..take a hint. i would if someone was saying that to me. anways, to show you how psycho he is, ive decided to share a convo with you. hope you enjoy, cause i sure dont. i have to go for now, the OC is on! yes!
Neo Tallgeese II (8:39:12 PM): lol, i was shocked today
Afireinside2804 (8:39:15 PM): why?
Neo Tallgeese II (8:39:23 PM): a chick actually flirted with me
Neo Tallgeese II (8:39:24 PM): lol
Afireinside2804 (8:39:30 PM): lol
Neo Tallgeese II (8:39:49 PM): yeah, it was at mcdonald's too
Neo Tallgeese II (8:39:51 PM): lol
Neo Tallgeese II (8:40:47 PM): she was working there, i guess she was on break and she sat down a couple tables down from me and then turned towards me and started making eyes at me after a while
Afireinside2804 (8:40:54 PM): oh
Neo Tallgeese II (8:41:12 PM): yeah
Neo Tallgeese II (8:41:33 PM): lol
Neo Tallgeese II (8:41:45 PM): i probably should have talked to her
Afireinside2804 (8:41:51 PM): yeah
Neo Tallgeese II (8:42:11 PM): my ex was being a major bitch the other day
Afireinside2804 (8:42:16 PM): oh
Neo Tallgeese II (8:42:45 PM): she was trying to rub it in my face that she got a new boyfriend and i was saying i didn't care so then she was saying she might skip school with him and fuck him
Afireinside2804 (8:42:55 PM): oh thats nice
Neo Tallgeese II (8:42:58 PM): yeah
Neo Tallgeese II (8:43:21 PM): i was like "you know what? i don't give a fuck anymore. do what you want to do. have fun"
Neo Tallgeese II (8:43:35 PM): then she got all pissy
Afireinside2804 (8:43:51 PM): oh
Neo Tallgeese II (8:44:04 PM): yeah, do you think she was trying to make me jealous?
Afireinside2804 (8:44:09 PM): i dont know
Neo Tallgeese II (8:44:23 PM): neither do i, but either way, just no
Afireinside2804 (8:44:32 PM): yeah
Neo Tallgeese II (8:44:38 PM): lol, i about called her a slut
Afireinside2804 (8:44:43 PM): oh
Neo Tallgeese II (8:44:59 PM): yeah, i mean come on, only a slut would put out on like the 3rd day of dating
Neo Tallgeese II (8:45:23 PM): am i right?
Afireinside2804 (8:45:41 PM): i dont know.
Neo Tallgeese II (8:45:58 PM): ok
Neo Tallgeese II (8:46:14 PM): i mean, having sex on just the 3rd date would be bad, but the 3rd day you'd been going out is wrong
Afireinside2804 (8:46:23 PM): i dont know
Neo Tallgeese II (8:46:35 PM): why do you say that?
Afireinside2804 (8:46:41 PM): cause i really dont know
Neo Tallgeese II (8:46:45 PM): okay
Neo Tallgeese II (8:47:09 PM): i'm sad
Afireinside2804 (8:47:18 PM): ok. why/
Neo Tallgeese II (8:47:45 PM): i met this girl that i REALLY like and we hit it off really well and she likes me a lot too, but she's going to be moving to italy in about a month
Afireinside2804 (8:47:51 PM): oh
Neo Tallgeese II (8:48:04 PM): yeah
Neo Tallgeese II (8:48:24 PM): lol, my curse strikes again, i actually find another girl that i like, but there's no chance of a relationship
Afireinside2804 (8:48:29 PM): oh
Neo Tallgeese II (8:48:42 PM): yeah, i must be cursed
Afireinside2804 (8:48:53 PM): maybe
Neo Tallgeese II (8:49:10 PM): ever since brittany left me, my love life has been terrible
Afireinside2804 (8:49:15 PM): oh
Neo Tallgeese II (8:49:32 PM): yeah
Neo Tallgeese II (8:49:48 PM): i thought things were starting to look up with you, and then that went to shit
Neo Tallgeese II (8:49:53 PM): and the process keeps repeating
Afireinside2804 (8:50:31 PM): oh
Neo Tallgeese II (8:51:01 PM): in the last like 3 months or so, i've gone out with 6 girls
Neo Tallgeese II (8:51:10 PM): and the longest relationship was just over a month
Neo Tallgeese II (8:51:16 PM): for me, that's horrible
Neo Tallgeese II (8:51:39 PM): before that, the average length of my relations was like 6 or 7 months
Neo Tallgeese II (8:52:05 PM): now the average is like a week
Afireinside2804 (8:52:23 PM): oh
Neo Tallgeese II (8:52:57 PM): yeah
Neo Tallgeese II (8:53:17 PM): i don't know what to do about it
Afireinside2804 (8:53:40 PM): oh
Neo Tallgeese II (8:54:33 PM): if this keeps up, i'll end up marrying anything i can get. even if i don't find her attractive or love her, just so i can have kids and have something to love
Afireinside2804 (8:54:42 PM): oh
Neo Tallgeese II (8:55:18 PM): yeah
Neo Tallgeese II (8:56:16 PM): i yearn for someone that i can give my love to, but i keep being denied that. so, i'm willing to do just about anything to get someone. i think i'd even adopt a kid just so i could have someone to love
Neo Tallgeese II (8:56:34 PM): but even then, i'd still be devoid of companionship
Afireinside2804 (8:56:46 PM): oh
Neo Tallgeese II (8:57:20 PM): i've been thinking about things like this a lot lately
Afireinside2804 (8:57:34 PM): yeah
Afireinside2804 (8:57:36 PM): i have to go
Afireinside2804 (8:57:44 PM): its time for the OC
Neo Tallgeese II (8:57:51 PM): ok
Neo Tallgeese II (8:58:34 PM): did you even pay attention to what i was talking about?
Afireinside2804 (8:58:43 PM): yes
Posted at 09:06 pm by sarah2804
Saturday, January 17, 2004
insomnia
Insomnia..i think i have it. Amber and i went and rented movie and i barely made it through the first one. i was so sleepy and i couldnt even keep my eyes open. so, after she leaves, i go straight to bed...only to just stare up at the ceiling. i cannot fall asleep. i even feel tired right now but i know i wont be able to sleep. I feel sick. not only stomach sick, but like, conscious sick too. i'm worry myself sick over this whole thing. what happened wasnt bad in any way..but i'm freaking out over it. its so hard just to act like nothing ever happened. i do know one thing, i will never be able to look at _ _ _ _ _ the same way again. i think thats what makes me the most sick. i feel like i have absolutely no one to talk to who will understand any of this. there are 2 main people who i usually go to in an emergency, but just my luck both of those people are involved. i think about calling one of them, but, i just dont think i could tell that person what i really feel. its just a big mess. i dont know how i get myself into these messes. i'm so disappointed over this one person and its just making me sick. i really dont know what to do. i cant just let it all blow over. i dont even want to look at _ _ _ _ _ right now, let alone tell them how i feel. i just feel betrayed i guess.
Posted at 10:51 pm by sarah2804
i think im....
overdramatic!!!...seriously. i freak out over the smallest things sometimes and it drives me crazy. I may not make the smartest decisions sometimes, but, there really arent any horrific, fatal consequences. i just need to lighten up. alot. i need to be carefree and not worrysome. i worry over everything and i blow it all up bigger than what it really is. i wish there was a support group for over dramaticists. is that even right? is that even a word? i dont know. on a better note, i got my acceptance letter from U of L. I was so nervous and scared that i wouldnt get in, but, i didnt have any problem. i really am a good kid. last night me, elyce, scott, and quincy went out to eat. it took us forever to decide what we were going to do next, but, we finally ended up at Trixie's. yeah, that was an experience. ive never seen a real naked girl in person..and there were about 20 walking around. im still in shock. scott is disappointed because he didnt get his lap dance. the weather was getting bad so we decided to call it a night around 1am. the guys at the table beside of us paid for a table dance. whoa, that was scary. this chick takes off her clothes, gets on the table, and just starts dancing and stuff. yeah, i was closer than i cared to be. tonight amber and i were going to go to bloomington, but, i think im coming down with something so i dont really feel like going. im going to see if she wants to do something else instead. well, i guess thats all for now. later!
Posted at 01:35 pm by sarah2804
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Ficken Sie ab!
haha..German is an awesome language. so my weekend was pretty good. friday night my mom took amber and i out to eat. after i got home elyce came over and me and her went to daniel's house to hang out with him and scott. we watched a couple of movies, i got pretty inebriated. scott and elyce drank too, but not as much as i did. the sleeping arrangements were pretty interesting. scott slept in the bed between me and elyce. then daniel joined us. scott had to hold me in the bed, a few mintues later we decided that probably wasnt the safest was to sleep. elyce and i got the bed, they got the floor. i didnt sleep very well. then scott woke me up when he was getting ready for work and i couldnt go back to sleep. oh well. saturday elyce and i went to clarksville, went out to eat, got new nose studs and shopped a little bit. we were going to go to the movies, but that didnt work out. i ended up going to the movies with scott, scott, and daniel. that was pretty fun. scott doesnt work anymore, so i figure i'll be seeing alot more of him. thats nice. i only used to se him like, 2 times a month, sometimes not even that. neways, i didnt do much today. i got home late/early, so i slept till like noon. i went over to ambers for a little bit. my tattoo is finally starting to peel and my nose is finally healing up. thats a plus. it hurts. well, im going to go. later!
Posted at 08:23 pm by sarah2804
Friday, January 09, 2004
yay snow day!
yay for snow days. i only slept till 930, but still, its all good. so, tonight mom is taking me and amber out for my birthday. then i have to wait for scott to call cause daniel's parents are out of town for the weekend and i think im spending the night over there. he said last night that everything was still on, so hes supposed to call me later and let me know for sure. right now im really bored. i have been watching the lifetime channel since 9:30 this morning. oh boy. and my nose really hurts. i dont regret doing it or anything, its just kinda puffy on the inside and it hurts. it kinda feels like the skin on the inside of my nose is trying to grow over it. i hope not. i like it. hopefully the swelling will go down by next week. and my tattoo is now itching, which is a good sign. then it'll peel and everything will be good. i hope. i really like my tattoo. well, im going to get back to the lifetime channel. later!
Posted at 01:56 pm by sarah2804
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
i have the biggest balls of them all!!
Today was very fun. even school was ok. i cannot believe how easy my schedule is. i might as well just go home after lunch, i dont have a real class after that. hell, i dont even have a real class before lunch. i have english 1st period and government 2nd. i should just go home after 2nd. those are the only 2 classes i need anyways. elyce came over after school and took me out for my birthday. we went to wal mart and got nose studs then went over to preston highway in louisville and got our noses pierced. i was so nervous, but it didnt hurt at all. it just felt like getting my ears pierced. hers looks really good too. it doesnt even hurt the slightest bit. im surprised. then we went out to eat and went back to wal mart to get rubbing alcohol. we had to buy little round band-aids to cover them up cause i cant have it at school and she cant have it at work. but all in all its great. its very natural feeling. i forget i have it done. we ran into greg mosier at wal mart and i think we got elyce talked into geting a tattoo also. greg is going to be in the studio tomorrow, so we're going down there to "look" after i get out of school. i out look in parenthesis because when i went in there thats all i had planned to do too. it never works out that way. amber, if you read this and wont to "look" too, let me know. itll be our little secret. lol. i just finished typing my homework for sturgeon. now i have to go clean my tattoo, clean my nose, take a shower, and go to bed. im tired. im not dressing up tomorrow. looks like cotton pants and a hoodie for me! yay! neways...im off to bed! night!!
Posted at 10:26 pm by sarah2804
Monday, January 05, 2004
I DID IT!! I DID IT!!
I got my first tattoo!! woohoo! im so excited. it was a surprise cause my dad told me that he made me an appointment for wednesday and that we were just going out to dinner. well, then we went to the parloe and he said we were just looking, but, i did it! i was shaking so bad cause i was afraid that it would hurt. it was awesome. it tingled kinda like a massage. every now and then i could feel a slight prick, like a safety pin, but that was about it. becca's boyfriend greg drew up my design and waited with me till it was done. it turned out awesome. its the right size, color, and everything. tomorrow im getting my nose pierced..i think. if i dont chicken out. scott really doesnt want me to do it..so..i dont know. neways..the first day back to school wasnt so bad. my classes are soo easy. well, all except english. i never did like that class. i have a worksheet to do for group discussion, but, i'll do it before school. its not much. hopefully this year will fly by. well, i better go.
LOOK:: Im Paranoid!
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate
Posted at 09:16 pm by sarah2804
Sunday, January 04, 2004
WOOHOO IM BAAAAACK!!
YEEHAW! im finally back from texas. my plane landed in indy on time and i got home around 3:00. i had so much fun on this trip. part of me even wanted to stay there. no matter what time of day or night, the temperature enver dropped below 70. it was so nice. the first night there we just went out to eat since we arrived later in the evening. New Year's Eve was probably the best day. we had lunch at this awesome Italian restaurant. that was the awesome thing about going down there. my uncle does not cook, at all. every meal we ate out. now, up here, going out to eat would be like, O charley's or buckheads...but, my uncle's view of going out to eat is making reservations 2 days in advance. every restaurant we ate at was big and expensive. it was nice. anyways...for new years eve we went to Medieval Times. it cost $75 a person, but it was well worth it. it was the coolest thing ive ever seen in my life. you eat at these big tables around this big arena and the knights joust. it was awesome. not to mention the knights were hott. after, they had a DJ and a big dance party till 2am. it was great. i had so much fun. thursday we went out to some places and then watched football. ive never watched so much football in my whole life, but it was ok. friday's activities included a 10 mile bike ride around White Rock Lake, a tour of the JFK memorial museum, ice skating, and shopping. and whoa, shopping was the best part. this mall was 3 levels, had an ice rink, and its own hotel. and, this isnt just any mall, its a full out designer mall. I was in heaven. i went to stores you only see in the movies. there was Louis Vattan, Gucci, Versace, BCBG, Cartier, Coach, Saks, and my favorite, Armani. I was in heaven in Armani. i bought a shirt and an awesome black handbag. i used to make fun of my mom for her purse fetish, but now, i fear that i have inherited it. oh well. you can never have too many handbags. saturday was just a chill day. saw some more sites, went to the movies. it was nice. i had a lot more fun than i expected to have, thats for sure. i got home and my dad was supposed to have made my tattoo appointment, but, he didnt. we went in and got the price like he was supposed to, but he didnt make the appointment. now thats put off for a day. oh well. wednesday night elyce is taking me to get my nose pierced. im going to be in so much pain this week. i cant believe its already my b-day. this week has flown by. and im actually excited about going back to school. i miss joey. i talked to him almost everyday i was in texas. hes awesome. neways...i think thats about all the info i have for now. im still perturbed that he didnt make my tattoo appt. hes going to call tomorrow, hopefully they can get me in either tomorrow or tuesday. i hope. well..i have to finish unpacking and take a shower and all that. so, later!
BTW::
I wonder what it's like to be like you
To never really care how bad it hurt
So go ahead and lie and keep movin on
It's all about yourself, you're never wrong
I'll watch you crash and burn
Posted at 08:39 pm by sarah2804
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
last entry for 5 days!!
So, i leave for texas in approximately 17 hours and 30 mintues. its not looking so bad now. i think i just need to get away from here for awhile. i get back on the 4th..and my birthday is on the 5th..so..thats not too bad. and then i'll have my tattoo and my nose pierced. thats exciting. i hope people call me while im gone. i'll kill myself if no one calls. that would be really depressing. well, i have to get up warl and finish packing some stuff..so, see you in 5 days!
Posted at 12:00 am by sarah2804
Monday, December 29, 2003
BAYSIDE!!!
"Just Enough To Love You"
Push me out from the darkness
To a sky that's colored blue
Somewhere someone's finding happiness
While I'm still here so hung up on you
Nothing is real
And I want you to know
That I'm not alright
When you tear open my chest
I'll try not to flinch
Won't make promises
You taught me that I'm still losing what's left out
My self esteem
And I'm still watching the slow fading of all my daydreams
The hardest things to say are the words that mean the most
So I'll bite my tongue til it bleeds and I doubt you'll even know
The easiest thing to fake's a feeling to fool someone else
And I've been tricked for so long by you that I spent these last few months in my own hell
A failed apology
A day too late but now I see
That all you really want's to see me dangle neck first from a tree
But what would you need me for
You've got friends galore
And all you'll ever be to me's a stupid lying excuse for a person
There is this awesome up and coming band called Bayside. If you havent heard of them, check them out at Baysiderocks.com. Their new album, Sirens and Condolences comes out on Jan. 27, 2004. Be sure to pick it up! its great!
PS...you're a waste of time.
Posted at 08:35 pm by sarah2804
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